Kryptic!

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and
weary. Edgar Allan Poe

Omgravy! I miss my baby! Jessie that is. The other day we went by my uncles house, he wasn't home, but deep down inside I expected to see her running to the door to stick her wet nose on my hand just to make sure it's really me. I thought that I've accepted that she's gone, but it still seems so sureal! Before when I heard someone say "Oh I opened the door and expected to see them there" I never really took them seriously, I just thought that they were weird or suffering from something. I guess now I'm weird and suffering for something. I wanted this whole thing to be a lie, because I truly did want to see her once the door opened. But no one was home... so maybe she really is still alive? I just love her so much! She's my one common memory of everytime I've visited that house. It won't be the same without her. But I guess atleast now I can say she's in a better place? I miss her!

My training for the job ends this week. In all complete honesty, I'm quite terrified of actually starting the job! There's so much to apply to this, and there are so many different things to know. I don't want to mess up! I'm not use to messing up! I realllllyyyyy wanna do well. I know I'll get use to it, but its the process of that which I don't like. People always expect me to be the best at things, or always do well, and that is so intimidating! I'm not perfect, I make mistakes. I know they know that, but they put so much pride into me, that I'm scared to death of screwing up because I feel as though I'll let them down. I have my mom, my aunt and moms MANAGER who have these high expectations of me! It's NOT helping.

Everything in my life just seems so complicated right now! I don't know what direction I'm headed for. I feel lost. Maybe I'm just television deprived? I don't knowwwwwwwwww.

Poe

Spirits of the Dead by Edgar Allan Poe

Thy soul shall find itself alone
'Mid dark thoughts of the gray tombstone
Not one, of all the crowd, to pry
Into thine hour of secrecy.
Be silent in that solitude
Which is not loneliness--for then
The spirits of the dead who stood
In life before thee are again
In death around thee--and their will
Shall overshadow thee: be still.
The night--tho' clear--shall frown--
And the stars shall not look down
From their high thrones in the Heaven,
With light like Hope to mortals given--
But their red orbs, without beam,
To thy weariness shall seem
As a burning and a fever
Which would cling to thee forever.
Now are thoughts thou shalt not banish--
Now are visions ne'er to vanish--
From thy spirit shall they pass
No more--like dew-drops from the grass.
The breeze--the breath of God--is still--
And the mist upon the hill
Shadowy--shadowy--yet unbroken,
Is a symbol and a token--
How it hangs upon the trees,
A mystery of mysteries!

1837.

I simply just love this poem. I don't know what it is about Edgar Allan Poe, but his works just make me melt inside and it's like each breathe I take when reading this sends me to the place that he is writing about. He gives such imagery details in his work. It's gorgeous.

My tolerance, is at an all time low.

I'am soooo fed up with everyone and everything right now. With this stupid job, it seems as though I have no time to myself. Yes it's only training. But it's friggen 5 day's a week at 8 hours. Ok ok, I know when I enter the real world that'll be my shift. But this is just TRAINING! It's like being stuck in one lecture for EIGHT hours. It's basically 8 hours of school a day AGAIN. It's high school hell repeating itself. The people there are cool but still! learning about banking is NOT fun!

Blah.

Buttt GOOD NEWS!!!! My lover and idol MARY KATE OLSEN (Shut the fuck up you homo) is getting back onto the t.v screen!!! YAYYYYYY!!!! She will be playing a church girl named Tara on a show called Weed's. Interesting title, I must say. WOW. I'm just thrilled that I get to see more of her. Lately it's only been the crap I've been reading on Perez Hilton (whom I love!). Celebrity gossip is always a way to make me smile =) I sooooo miss the olsens twins last series... "So little time" I think there were only like 17 episodes lol, but they were all awsome!

Shut up.

Holly fucking shit. I'm so tired of listening to people whine about their shitty relationships. If it's so stressful, then leave. If he's beating you up, leave. If he's causing pointless drama in your life... LEAVE. Do not fucking call me during my break @ work, or during the morning when I'm SLEEPING to bitch and complain about how fucking stressed and upset you are. I'm sorry, But I don't give two bloody shits. I've told them many times what I think. I've told them that they should just leave. Yes I know its not an easy thing to do. But crying to me about it isn't going to solve your problem. I'm tired of hearing the same story over and over again. Maybe I'm cold hearted, but I simply just do not care. If I don't ask, then don't tell me. I've known her since gr 7, and I love her to death...BUT I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!

Annnnyyyy whooo. Work is going ok so far. It's been pretty boring the last few days, but at the same time it was better than being at home doing nothing. And Im getting paid to be bored, so I guess that's a good thing right? There's this one really cool trainer called Alisha, I like her. =) She's also a Smallville fan. yay! lol. Today we did job shadowing, so I got to listen into a few calls. They weren't too bad. A lot of people loose their wallets. Sucks to be them. Lesson... CHAIN YOURSELF TO YOUR WALLET. heh.

SMALLLLLVILLLLEEEEE.
Ok so the season finale wasn't ALL that. It could have been longer and have a lot more action scenes. Like what the hell, did Clark forget that he has powers? I really can't wait to see what will happen with Bizzaro. And then there's the whole Chloe thing. THAT WAS HER POWER? Omgravy, like what the shit? I wonder if she's really dead. I know she's suppose to die. But comeon, I was expecting a more dramatic death! and I wanted Clark to be there. The episode wasn't bad per say, but my expectations were higher.
But hey... two Tom Wellings... RAWR!!!

Oh ummm....
I think I'm in love. Lol this time with someone other than Tom Welling (but he's still my number one) =)

The Land Where Dreams Come True

Too bad I'm no longer a dreamer.

Overall I hated the trip to Florida. It didn't help me to unwind, I think it just made me more stressed out.

Bored as hell

Im Florida. I can't breathe. It's so hot. Im BORED. My parents and sister are annoying.

Note to self: Take next vacation by myself.

I want to visit Rome. Some where interesting, and not so sunny and happy. You know your vacation sucks when you have time to blog. haha. Im sweating. =(

Ok, so atleast I got to watch Smallville that wasn't too bad...EVEN THOUGH I MISSED THE FIRST 10 MINUTES OF IT. WHAT THE HELL??? The fat ass who works at KFC was a retard and kept screwing up our order. I wish I could sue her for the lost 10 minutes. But I will watch it when I get home.

We're going down to Miami tonight and we'll be spending the weekend there. I hope the sight is alot better than here in Orlando. Holly frig, everything here is mickey mouse. I couldn't walk into a damn drug store with out seeing those stupid mickey mouse snow globes. All I want out of this vacations are a few nice pictures. Rome would have been so much nicer. I plan to have my vancouver trip in the summer of '09. It'll be a nice way to end off Smallville and by then I would have saved up enough money for it. There is NO way in hell that I'm going to take my parents anyways.

Have I ever mentioned that I don't like people reading over my shoulder when Im blogging? Well that's being done now. So I shall log off of here until furthure notice.

Thankfully I got net connection here @ my cousins house. I can't get my weekly dose of PEREZ HILTON! woohoo!


later days!

Good-bye Toronto

Only for a week, but still good enough. Lord I'm actually thankful that I'm getting away. The past few months have been HELL. I don't know why, but I can't wait to sit down on that plane and let my misery float away in the clouds as I enter the sunny valley's of Orlando Florida. I'm getting away from this pollution. Not the smoke clouds from of coorporate castles but the pollution of my self pity and hatred of the world. I hope to let go of alot of things this week. And I hope to come back a better and happier person. Although, missing Smallville might do the exact opposite. It's so odd how I've allowed something like a T.V show to determine my happiness. But if something makes you happy, does it really matter how stupid it is? I'm still sick. I feel deadly sick. Hopefully no one on the plane will think that I have sars. Ahh a whole week out of Scarberia. Lol, the glory. I'm more looking foward to not being around anyone but my parents and my sister, I hate having to avoid people because it's always so hard. But this way it's going to be easy. My mind is tense. I'm hoping to come back with it clear and free. I want to be able to sit down and write my heart away like I did before. I don't know why, but I feel as though this trip is going to connect me back to my childhood when I last went to Florida.