Kryptic!

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and
weary. Edgar Allan Poe

Omgravy! I miss my baby! Jessie that is. The other day we went by my uncles house, he wasn't home, but deep down inside I expected to see her running to the door to stick her wet nose on my hand just to make sure it's really me. I thought that I've accepted that she's gone, but it still seems so sureal! Before when I heard someone say "Oh I opened the door and expected to see them there" I never really took them seriously, I just thought that they were weird or suffering from something. I guess now I'm weird and suffering for something. I wanted this whole thing to be a lie, because I truly did want to see her once the door opened. But no one was home... so maybe she really is still alive? I just love her so much! She's my one common memory of everytime I've visited that house. It won't be the same without her. But I guess atleast now I can say she's in a better place? I miss her!

My training for the job ends this week. In all complete honesty, I'm quite terrified of actually starting the job! There's so much to apply to this, and there are so many different things to know. I don't want to mess up! I'm not use to messing up! I realllllyyyyy wanna do well. I know I'll get use to it, but its the process of that which I don't like. People always expect me to be the best at things, or always do well, and that is so intimidating! I'm not perfect, I make mistakes. I know they know that, but they put so much pride into me, that I'm scared to death of screwing up because I feel as though I'll let them down. I have my mom, my aunt and moms MANAGER who have these high expectations of me! It's NOT helping.

Everything in my life just seems so complicated right now! I don't know what direction I'm headed for. I feel lost. Maybe I'm just television deprived? I don't knowwwwwwwwww.