The Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Hello betrayal, so we meet again. Is the grass greener on my side? It must be, you come here too often and stay for too long. I must say, you've over stayed your welcome. But really, why would I want to send away the one constant thing in my life that has an automatic replay function?

In all good time, so they say. Take it one day at a time, it will get easier. I should not scrutinize these very words because they're the same ones I've use upon others. I will however admit that it's a lie. Yes I've lied. If I had told you that it will get easier then I apologize, because the road to recovery is nothing by a broken roller coaster sending you on the most thrilling, frightening ride of your life. If you're lucky, you get off unharmed with no wounds. I have yet to meet this miracle.

Five months have passed. I'm ok, but I'm not great. I have moments where I pick up the wrong card in the game and I get sent back to Go. I move backwards in a sudden swing and I find myself where I was to start with. Then there are the day when I'm so close to Finish and winning the game, but I can never quite make it because there is always something holding me back.

I miss the innocent years where simple things were simple and had very little meaning. Take a road for instance. Your five year old self saw them all as the same, maybe one of two had Mac Donalds on them, but other than that, they were the same thing. The path that took you from one place to another.

Then you blow out your 16 candles. That road then becomes something with a name and many purposes. It's either the right road, or the wrong road. The road that will take you to somewhere you need to be, or want to be, or don't want to see at all. You have to worry about the stop signs, crossing signs and speeding signs. This is road is now a destination taking you somewhere, but you need to get there taking precaution. You're surrounded by other drivers and other people. You have rules to follow. To the over paranoid, this road could be the road that leads you to your end, because one false move can cause you too loose your life.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Reality.

And it sucks.

I've dreamt of having life simple. Not the dream of being rich and famous, but the dream of having everything already sorted out for you. The dream of not having to worry about your next move. The dream of where things can be left unsaid because they do not need to be said. But the truth is, I didn't say what I needed to say and he didn't say what he needed to say. Now we're here. I didn't take the steps that I should have taken, and I quite possibly missed out on my happily ever after.


My Road is, the Boulevard of Broken Dreams.