Hollllyyy! Just when I thought my life couldn't suck anymore! Now I have this knee thing to deal with. Why can't I have normal genetics? Yea that's right. I blame my heredity for all my pain and suffering. As bad as it sounds...I don't care. I'm sure as hell not blaming myself. Maybe I should blame God. Just because you all love him so much. I'm trying the knee excercise shit. I hope it's working. I feel sore. So that's good right? Gosh. I don't know anymore. This new msn space shit is PISSING me off. I have so much to deal with already and now my blog is turning its back on me? I'd go back to writing a normally diary, but hell, that's so much effort.
Back to school in 3 weeks. Why? I'm dreading the 6th. It seems like all my hopes and dreams are going down the drain. I hate being me sometimes. It really bites in the ass. Errr.
I feel that life has ripped me off big time. There has to be more to this. Don't tell me I'm still young. Because for all my young years, the only thing I can remember is pain. Physical and emotional pain. I'm trying to fight it. So far I've done really well for myself. But there is only so much a human mind can take. This evil cover up I sheild myself with. I don't know how much longer it will last. I feel as though I keep running in circles in a dark room, and there is no one to save me or turn on the light. I just need someone to understand and relate. I feel so damn incomplete. I've done nothing to be proud of so far in life. Nothing that meets my exceptions. Maybe I am just aiming for something to high. I am a terrorist to my own body. I don't think I've taken care of myself as well as I am suppose to. Actually, I know this for a fact. It's like, I just don't care what becomes of my body and soul anymore. I want to become a better and stronger person both mentally and physically but I don't know how and I don't know if I'll really be doing it for me. It surprises me that everything I seem to do, reflects on how I feel about Dru. I'm trying to get over him, but I'm trying to get over him, for him. How weird is that? This is complicated beyond what I can deal with. I hate this. I hate having to fight myself and my own mind.
I know I may seem cold. But I do not want to give the compassion that I do not recieve. I've tried to do it before, and all I got was a crushed heart. I can't get the one thing I wanted. The one thing I'd give up everything for. So why should I care about anyone else? Go ahead. Call me selfish. I don't care.
Selfish I am.
Back to school in 3 weeks. Why? I'm dreading the 6th. It seems like all my hopes and dreams are going down the drain. I hate being me sometimes. It really bites in the ass. Errr.
I feel that life has ripped me off big time. There has to be more to this. Don't tell me I'm still young. Because for all my young years, the only thing I can remember is pain. Physical and emotional pain. I'm trying to fight it. So far I've done really well for myself. But there is only so much a human mind can take. This evil cover up I sheild myself with. I don't know how much longer it will last. I feel as though I keep running in circles in a dark room, and there is no one to save me or turn on the light. I just need someone to understand and relate. I feel so damn incomplete. I've done nothing to be proud of so far in life. Nothing that meets my exceptions. Maybe I am just aiming for something to high. I am a terrorist to my own body. I don't think I've taken care of myself as well as I am suppose to. Actually, I know this for a fact. It's like, I just don't care what becomes of my body and soul anymore. I want to become a better and stronger person both mentally and physically but I don't know how and I don't know if I'll really be doing it for me. It surprises me that everything I seem to do, reflects on how I feel about Dru. I'm trying to get over him, but I'm trying to get over him, for him. How weird is that? This is complicated beyond what I can deal with. I hate this. I hate having to fight myself and my own mind.
I know I may seem cold. But I do not want to give the compassion that I do not recieve. I've tried to do it before, and all I got was a crushed heart. I can't get the one thing I wanted. The one thing I'd give up everything for. So why should I care about anyone else? Go ahead. Call me selfish. I don't care.
Selfish I am.
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