You and I could belong to each other.

Can you read my mind? Do you know what it is that you do to me? I don't know who you are. Just a friend from another star. Here I am like a kid out of school, holding hands with a god, I'm a fool. Will you look at me? Quivering like a little girl, shivering. You can see right through me. Can you read my mind? Can you picture the things that I am thinking of? Wondering why you are all the wonderful things you are. You can fly! You belong in the sky! You and I could belong to each other. If you need a friend, I'm the one to fly to. If you need to be loved, here I am. Read my mind.

-Lois Lane (Superman, 1978)

I so need a social life. I miss my green, bastard web cam. So what if I don't use it? I still miss it. And yet again, I'm going to have to sit here and bitch about how much I hate my privacy being invaded. I hate the stupid job, ever since I started it my mom's been sticking her nose into my life and dragging her drag queen sister in it too. I want to drown myself senseless in Smallville and Tom Welling. I think I'm going to put on my dvd set and watch it until my eyes pop out of my head. Hopefully that will happen so I won't have to go into work. Heh. Maybe I am being selfish and ungrateful, but I really don't care. My sympathy for everyone is dead.

From this job I've learned that

1) Reality is a Whore.

and

2) My family and friends have no faith in me, they question my ability to make something of myself, and see me as having no potential to make it further than sitting behind a phone and a computer to assist old people with paying their bills.

So why is it that I care about what these assholes think? I don't know. I don't know alot of things. I don't know why I even bother to spill my guts to people, I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I don't know why I let people try and con their way into taking control of my life. Just because I don't know what I want that doesn't mean that I want someone else to decide my future for me.

I had it all planned out. I knew what I wanted, I knew how to get it. But then I let her talk me out of it. What was the result of that? I'm stuck in a school that I hate, a job that I hate, I'm being surrounded by people I hate. I have close to no tolerance left for anything anymore.

People just seem to want to keep pushing me and pushing me until I'm close to my breaking point. The only good thing about school and work, is that I get to get away from my family. It seems like the more my mom tries to know what goes on in my life, she's just really pushing me away. If she wants to know something, she could just ask. I'd tell her. Snooping around in my personal things and conning me into telling her stuff... is SO not doing her any good. And because of this, I'm only going to resent her more.

Now I understand why those trashy girls run away from home and sleep with random truckers.

So I've decided to get the tattoo done. Now I just need to find a good place. I'm getting the Aquarius symbol on my right ankle. My stupidity that leads me to believe in stars have gotten the best of me. But it's not like my sign will change. Sadly.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to go back in time to the days where I was young and happy and my only concern was what time the Power Rangers would be on. But then if I could go back in time, I'd live through all this hell again. So not worth it. I need out. Not another stupid, worthless family vacation. I need to get away by myself. No family, no friends. No nothing. Just me.

:(

This is going to be a long, miserable summer. I hate my job. =)

Albert Einstein:
Any power must be an enemy of mankind which enslaves the individual by terror and force, whether it arises under the Fascist or the Communist flag. All that is valuable in human society depends upon the opportunity for development accorded to the individual.
September 15, 1933

Winston Churchill:
'The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes"

I miss being poked. =(

Lol, so holly shit my mom found out. Awsome. I guess I don't mind since it beats me having to tell her? Why didn't I just get a job at Mc Donalds?

I need a gym partner. Or atleast someone to go jogging with in the afternoon. I hate going by myself =( and I always end up talking to myself. But then again I've noticed that I talk to myself even when people are around.

Thursday, I'm FINALLY getting my beach day. Yay! Well technically, it's not a beach day, it's more of a 'beach' day, since it's not a beach, just the polluted water front of Toronto. But thats good enough. As long as there's sand for me to build sandcastles, I'm happy. This is how you know that I'm pathetically retarded. But anywaysss, I need some alone time with my friends, especially since all this shit has been happening to me.

Today with Anita was actually fun considering we got drenched and almost died in the rain. It was like the good old days again, but instead of coming back from wendy's and buying candy, we were coming back from flavours and buying cigarettes. LOL what a change. But none the less it was still fun. Then we went back to her place to make fun of people on facebook (from her account that is). It was a good way to lessen the tension of facing my mom, which also didn't go so bad.

She was a bit dissappointed, after all she did put neck on the line to get me that job. I ammm grateful for the job. But maybe its not for me? I don't know anymore. It's a drag working there after all this shit has happened. But I'm starting to like that cute Guyanese guy. Rawr =)

Omgravy, it's wednesday already. The week goes by so fast. And now that my weekends are gone, I feel as though I'm missing out on something.

AND my other crush! I still can't believe he has a gf =( ugh! Things never work out with me and Coolie guys! I guess I just have to go for the next one at work. Hopefully he's not dating anyone.

DEGRASSI AND INSTANT STAR: are RUINED. Wtf the are the writers thinking? They messed up two of my favourite shows. And I miss Smallville, I can't wait until season 7. Supergirl is going to make her appearance. yay. And what the friggen shit is happening with Kyle XY? I thought it was suppose to start last monday. I haven't seen it yet. Stupid Canadian channels are always so far behind.

I can't think of anything else to rant about =(

You know what would be freakishly odd? If someone actually reads all of this.....

BITE ME.

So now that I know my privacy is GONE. I have something to rant about. Where the hell do I even begin? What the friggen shit....if you're going to keep tabs on my facebook, then atleast tell me. If you're so concerned about your customers...THEN TELL US NOT TO LEAVE THOSE COMMENT ON OUR PERSONAL PROFILE. That's right. My personal profile. My private thoughts and opinion that I choose to share with my friends. The people who I rant and vent too when I've had a bad day. They told me I could call my friends and vent to them, or email them, or meet up with them, but I can't use facebook? lol what the hell? facebook is just the same as the rest of those. Then they have the nerve to bring my mom into it? Motherfucking hell. I won't be surprised if they're reading this too. Now working there feels akward. They have this stupid thing to hold over my head. In my opinion. I did nothing wrong.


This is like an episode of family guy without the fatass.

?

I want to write how I feel.
But I don't know how to put it in words....

I hate sitting here wondering where he is, especially when he's not even my boyfriend.


Work drained me. I'm tired, stressed, confused and a whole lot of other things which I don't even know how to begin to describe.


shoot me.

Kryptic!

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and
weary. Edgar Allan Poe

Omgravy! I miss my baby! Jessie that is. The other day we went by my uncles house, he wasn't home, but deep down inside I expected to see her running to the door to stick her wet nose on my hand just to make sure it's really me. I thought that I've accepted that she's gone, but it still seems so sureal! Before when I heard someone say "Oh I opened the door and expected to see them there" I never really took them seriously, I just thought that they were weird or suffering from something. I guess now I'm weird and suffering for something. I wanted this whole thing to be a lie, because I truly did want to see her once the door opened. But no one was home... so maybe she really is still alive? I just love her so much! She's my one common memory of everytime I've visited that house. It won't be the same without her. But I guess atleast now I can say she's in a better place? I miss her!

My training for the job ends this week. In all complete honesty, I'm quite terrified of actually starting the job! There's so much to apply to this, and there are so many different things to know. I don't want to mess up! I'm not use to messing up! I realllllyyyyy wanna do well. I know I'll get use to it, but its the process of that which I don't like. People always expect me to be the best at things, or always do well, and that is so intimidating! I'm not perfect, I make mistakes. I know they know that, but they put so much pride into me, that I'm scared to death of screwing up because I feel as though I'll let them down. I have my mom, my aunt and moms MANAGER who have these high expectations of me! It's NOT helping.

Everything in my life just seems so complicated right now! I don't know what direction I'm headed for. I feel lost. Maybe I'm just television deprived? I don't knowwwwwwwwww.